Beard Lust

Look at my facial hair!
(Oh man, hot damn, it’s everywhere!)
(Where’d you get that beard?)
I grew it
(How do you keep it so clean?)
I shampoo it

I really wish I could grow a mustache
(Why don’t you?)
Well, frankly, I don’t have the cash
You gotta take care of your facial hair
Otherwise it gets scruffy and bare
The elements of style
For the beard owner
The essential manual
For owners of beards

Trim it, cut it, comb it, style it
Clean it, and scent with violet
Love it, but don’t get violent
Rub it, but not in public
Eat with it, but don’t get messy
The only rule is keep it classy!

I was on a fishing boat
And I tried to grow a beard but it wouldn’t float
Three weeks later out at sea
I realized this beard wasn’t working for me
I tried to shave it off but I had no cream
Everyone on the boat could hear me scream!

Love for me
And love for you
Love for each other
Baby be my boo

Love for me
And love for you
Lust for my beard
Look at what I grew

Look at my sexy facial hair
Oh man, hot-damn, it’s everywhere!

It’s everywhere!
It’s everywhere!
It’s everywhere!